Poop Doggy Blog

blog predicate

I've been a dog owner my whole lifetime, including childhood when technically I simply belonged to a family that a dog belonged to. . . ownership is such a noxious concept. . . 

That being said, it is impossible for me to be completely objective when writing about dog etiquette in the strictest sense. I will find myself making excuses for my dog's behavior or comparing my dog to other dogs—which, let's face it, won't be fun to read. 
So, in the interest of not bullshitting you I will admit now to having less than perfect dog etiquette—but tons of humility about it. 

Now, let's make our doggy decree:

1.  Establishing rules, exercising control. 
When owing a pet, specifically a dog, you've got to Scott Baio up and take Charge. I know from experience that some dogs* won't heed every command, but it is valuable that they know to listen to you and what to listen for. 
ex: stay, sit, come. 

2.  C is for caution.
Your dog is domesticated, yes. But unlike a house plant, your dog also belongs to the Animalia kingdom. Which implies a mental prowess and physical spontaneity that we have to be alert to.

This means understanding their moods, behaviors, and temperament. Have the severity of manner to know how your dog responds to other people, children, cats, other dogs? 

You are solely responsibility for their behavior. . . so if they can't behave. . . don't impose their bad behavior onto others**. 

3.  Neuter Recruiter.

This doesn't actually fall into the header of etiquette. I just hate seeing too many puppies and too few homes and I also dislike being badgered into taking puppies under the argument that "I already have a dog. . . so what is one more"?

This is an egregious argument and you're barking up the wrong tree, you know who you are. <-----haha, jk***

4.  If you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it ♪

Only 20 US states have strict leash laws, though many of the 30 w/o do allow local municipalities to enforce their own leash laws. 

It is not enough to leash your dog, you must do so responsibly. Do have control of the dog, the leash could easily become intwined with another dog's leash or be a potential tripping hazard, for example****. 

5.  Don't poop on my parade.

Simply put, "If it's brown, flush it down".

You flush your toilet after every bowel movement, right? Well, I hope so. Even a person delighted and entertained by poop, such as I, would prefer not to see it, smell it, and (supremely) step in it. 

6.  Wham, Bam, Instagram.

I used to feel guilty posting pictures of my dog on Instagram—but no longer. Every day I scroll through dozens of photos of friend's babies and children. Aww, they are cute. But so is my dog*****. 

My dog has made appearances on Vine, Twitter, Facebook, Vimeo, and Instagram. She has even been the subject of school projects. 

#nofilter #noguilt

Now grab your poop bags and party hats. Be the best companion you can be, to your dog and to your fellow non-dogs.

You have a huge responsibility, but you are rewarded with so much love and compassion (and bad breath kisses)! 

*

This dog

**Sorry guys for all the times my dog has jumped on you or stuck her wet nose up your dress. 

***I'm just kidding about kidding.

****Yes, I tripped over my own dog's leash. . . okay?

*****Not everyone can have babies. 

I BUY MY OWN DIAMONDS AND I BUY MY OWN RINGS. . . because he is a tracer: A survey of Independent films and the embodiment of the patriarch

A second post from our second (first, technically) blog winner Michael. This suggestion was so rich and delicious that, as expected, it took more time to digest.

A brilliant offering from a brilliant indie film type of guy

I wanted to impetuously answer this question the moment I read it but I had to do many things before I could.  I had to wait for voting to close, I had to have the good faith that it would be chosen, and then I had to make real that this was not, after all, an easy question to field.

Many thoughts overwhelmed me.  

One, most obviously, "What are my favorite indie films"?

Secondly, "What are my favorite indie films"?

I was sure I knew the answer to this without hesitation.  Then I realized that I actually could not so much as define what an independent film was, without equivocating. 
Nor was I certain I fully understood the context of the question. 

     "Was I to compare the film as a whole text to a certain type of guy? As in, Primer is like the guy you don't expect much from but then you see it and you're all like 'why did I wait so long for this—this interesting and wonderful'. Or like, Garden State is like that guy you date who is all woe is me and you try to fix him/help him and he runs away because he is (and will always be) perpetually fucked up and/or self absorbed and/or wounded in a really complicated way that can only be overcome by making films about his own narcism*".  
-were the thoughts I was having.

Perhaps it is because I am a film student that these questions were so burdensome.  Maybe it is because I had the tutelage of the brilliant and lovely Dr. Alisa Perren, who has authored much scholarship on the subject of the celebrated genre of independent films with an impressive skepticism. 
I have spent the last five years critically digesting films (though never through this lens before), so why now do I feel this superincumbent pressure? 

It was right about now that I decided to shut the fuck up and write the blog. That is, after all, why you are reading this and not my diary. 

An independent film is a film produced outside of the major film studio system. 
Simple enough, although I really appreciate the criteria Dr. Alisa Perren uses to define them:
· the film's source of financing
· the film's distribution
· the film's exhibition 
· the status of talent 
· the spirit of the film

There are too many films that qualify as an "indie film" for me to just have a few favorites.  And if I spent too much time discriminating the details of what qualifies it to be an independent film, I could wind up discussing films many of you may not have seen. And that would be poop**.

So I chose these two films:
Swingers (1996)
Chasing Amy (1997)

You've had a lot of time to see these films. One of them is in the Criterion Collection. The other is #20 on Maxim magazine's greatest 100 Guy Movies Ever Made***. 
You should watch them, and often. 


I'm going to discuss the archetypes of men present (in the leading roles) of both films and (if there is time left over****) I will briefly discuss the impact of the film in contrast to a relationship (?) (hmm) if this works. Let's see! 

Swingers

TRENT
Hubba, hubba. Embodied by Vince Vaughn we have no doubt you will swoon for this fella. 
But no.1 of his traits I take issue with—he is terrible to waitresses.   Need I say more?
There is no need to treat other people this way, especially those who are in a position to take care of you and be hospitable.  
If a guy can treat a waitress this way (without flinching) just how special do you have to be for him to show you any varying respect? 
Which brings me to no.2—he is completely indifferent to women. Again. . . he is one of those self-proclaimed heartbreakers. 
This takes his status from swoon to snooze. 
A positive note, he is an almost completely genuine friend to Mike. We really believe this guy wants to protect his buddy and will look out for him, almost selflessly. Almost. 
But again we have evidence that his ego comes in opposition with the good fortune Mike has with lady Lorraine (just because it was not Trent himself who contrived the hook up). 

On a scale of one—five 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡♡
Datable:♡
Tolerable as your man's BF:♡♡♡

MIKE
This guy! He is a catch. He is also—our fault. Chances are we are not Lorraine in this love triangle. Most of us ladies are Michelle. Many of us ladies dated this guy, who was so dedicated to us but for some reason or another we found fault in that. 
We let him go, broke his heart. We are Prometheus and we created this sentimental and idyllic guy. And just like Michelle, we will realize too late what we have done—we have lost him. 
But don't worry, some one out there is so grateful to us for freeing him up. Some lady out there is the happiest we never were with him. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡
Datable:♡♡♡♡
Tolerable as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡


Chasing Amy

Holden
Holden is very similar to Mike in that he is a hopeless romantic. He is idealistic and seemingly respectful of others, notably women (and waitresses too). 
Yet. . . 
He lacks humility. 
Holden is overcome with insecurity upon falling for Alyssa. His hang-ups on tradition and intimacy actually make him come across as more homophobic than Banky, if that's possible. 
We want to adore Holden, we want him to get the girl. . .but it is almost impossible to forgive him for his lack of assurance. 
We know he will treasure us, only so long as we fit into the tiny treasure box he has designated for us. If we challenge his ideals at all, if we rock the boat, we will find that we are in a sinking ship. And there is nothing punny about that. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡
Datability:♡♡♡
Tolerable as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡

Banky
Banky has an inker's complex. He knows he is not the star of the show but he has the confidence of an artist (without too much ego). 
He adds depth and shadow to Bluntman and Chronic in the same way he adds depth and shadow to the film, in the same way he adds depth and shadow to Holden's sometimes one dimensional perspective. 
He is juvenile, to a fault—but less we forget a few of us find this charming (psst. it's me that finds this charming).  
Banky may come across as a bit of a loser, or an underdog for you wordsmiths*****, but there is something to be said for a guy who is completely satisfied with his achievements. 
It doesn't have to mean he lacks ambition, it could actually mean he has already accomplished most of his dreams. And those dreams include writing and sketching a comic with his best friend and winning the occasional Sega game with said friend. 
Sounds like my kind of party. 
It is hard to excuse his occasions of disgraceful gay bashing, and I wish I could say the subtext offers us the conclusion that he is only acting out so aggressively in the interest of protecting his best friend from heartache. . . but that would be a lie. 
The truth is this film was made in the late 90's. A time when we were still hashing out public feelings about homosexuality in the media and a character such as Banky was a necessary part of the conversation. 
Thank you Kevin Smith. It is hard to make a film of this nature without an aggressor like Banky. 
It was also hard not to fall for him. Sigh. Woe is me. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡♡
Datability: ♡♡♡♡♡
Tolerance as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡♡
******

*I love Zach Braff. Huge fan. Never doubt. I am currently a "backer" of his Kickstarter, Wish I Was Here. 
#EEEAGLE!

**Yes, Michael. I mentioned poop.

***I was going to make a joke about how Swingers was probably on some list in Maxim. Then I did some research and low and behold...

****there was no time left over :-(

*****just fucking with wordsmiths.

******Yes, I am completely biased when it comes to Jason Lee. Completely. He can do no wrong.

Week One: And The Winner Is!

Poop there it is! No, I'm just kidding.
Although first in a three way tie, I will likely not be writing a blog dedicated to poop—however much fun that may be.

But—I certainly will somehow incorporate talk of bowel movements or fecal blowback throughout this blog's term.  You're welcome.

Okay, let's take a look at how this little endeavor went.

I am super grateful to the participants.  Thank you for having commentary, suggestions, a compelling need/want to vote, and/or even the five minutes or more it took to read this post and/or blog. 

Thank you, thank you so much. 

I am very happy to say that there is a three-way tie.  Having addressed number 2 at the number 1 paragraph—this leaves two very unique, thoughtful, and inspiring subjects.  I will honor the tie and write two different blogs.  Yes, that's right. 

I will post them both before next Tuesday, as outlined in my original mission blog (if that's a thing). 

The Winners Are: 

Michael) How about a nice comparison between your favorite indie films and types of men???

AND

Kat) Topic. Ex's lovers who are also your current close friends, is it unhealthy? Is there a place for the past without damaging your potential future or as we learned from HIMYM, you never invite an ex to your wedding.

I am very, very excited to write these two blogs. 

I've already begun writing . . . and will post for you soon.

In the intervening time I ask that we revise my initially conceived deadlines.  This week was a trial run and I noticed that very little to zero voting and suggesting happened after day 2. . .which I should have foreseen.  I think it best if the voting/suggesting receives a limit of 4 days and my writing receives a limit of 4 days.  We will shorten the retention by half on both of our parts.  Let's try it next week. . . see how it goes. 

And because two of you, Scott and Jennifer, showed an interest in videos. . . I offer you my mirthful video for the week. May it serve it's purpose and bring you amusement.