Week Four: And The Winner Is!

I am so excited! 

My beautiful friend Melissa has won 

this week's Put It In My Mouth! 

But it was another close one. . . 

To honor all of these fantastic runners up, next week I will host

 a special 

Put It In My Mouth

Stiff Competition Edition 

I will repost everyone's suggestion from the last four weeks for a private

 blog only voting. 

More details on Tuesday. 

For now, watch this unbelievably uncool video I made for Melissa

(so she knows just how serious I take this)

We were just babies, living in Mesozoic times. We didn't even have pagers. It was Cray.

Not too long ago a man* asked me, "What is your favorite dinosaur"?

Not hesitating, I answered Brontosaurus.
This response was mostly due to nerves and not wanting to take too long to answer such an important question but to a greater degree, I capriciously answered Brontosaurus because of my longstanding involvement with Littlefoot. 

You know, the longneck with the Tree Star

I am not certain why exactly I identify so strongly with this fella. His journey was rife with sorrow, obstacles, rejection, and other challenges unforeseen.

His mission:

to find the Great Valley and reunite with his grandparents. . . but while on his migration with a band of misfits, Littlefoot finds what he was looking for all along—a feeling of belonging. 

So yeah, maybe there is an obvious hook here. A strong protagonist, a hero type. Or maybe it was all the GD awesome puppets I was collecting from Pizza Hut®. 

Between BOOK IT! and The Land Before Time puppets my sister and I must have kept my parent's ears ringing with harmonized pleas to have Pizza Hut® for dinner. They kindly humored us many, many times. 

And when I'm not thinking about Cera, Littlefoot, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike. . . I'm thinking about these dinosaurs. . .

One of my favorite writers, Jane Espenson, cut her teeth on this series.

From the mind of Jim Henson and into the creative hands of Bob Young and Michael Jacobs, Dinosaurs was a (sometimes forgettable) referential sitcom about an anthropomorphic dinosaur family, The Sinclairs. 
The episodic series made efforts to weave topical subjects into classic family satire as many other shows were successfully doing. Dinosaurs even spawned the popular catchphrase, "Not The Mamma",  in curious celebration of Baby Sinclair's aversion to his father, Earl. Baby Sinclair would often bludgeon Earl with a baseball bat. This oedipal like behavior is also present in today's Family Guy, albeit Stewie Griffin has a more consolatory voice. 

As a youth I was drawn to the novelty of the show but when I revisited Dinosaurs as an adult I found myself completely miffed by Baby Sinclair. This is to say, I wanted to bludgeon him with a baseball bat. 
If only Kevin Clash had auditioned with his Splinter voice. . . we could have had a sophisticated "Stewie Griffin like" dino-baby.  Perhaps we weren't ready for that. 

Beyond these examples a couple of other images come to mind when reflecting on dinosaurs:

This, for example

or this. . .

. . . and of course THIS!

If I had to revisit the question, "What is your favorite dinosaur?", I would say this:

The Ankylosaurus. 

The Ankylosaurus, meaning 'fused lizard', was one of the last remaining dinosaurs prior to extinction. Large plates of bone and a massive club tail helped the Ankylosaurus defend itself. 

It liked veggies and was hard to knock over. ----> dude, me too!

*The man was Matthew J Mammola ♡

Week Three: And The Winner Is!

Your participation and ideas have been overwhelmingly positive. I am enjoying this blog so much—and I hope you guys are getting a kick out of it too. 

We have a record breaking win this week: DINOSAURS! 7 votes. 

9 if you count the 2 votes for Alex seconding Dinosaurs.

I only hope my written contribution to the subject will be a fraction as epic as this win or dinosaurs themselves. But probably not. 

I'm in a cabin in the woods and there are more than a few bears included in the decor. . . but I'll tell you about that later . . .

The View-Master

Rock the vote

Must of us have rich memories of the rise and fall of NBC's cleverly trademarked, "Must See TV", but television audiences today are experiencing a spike in a different brand of must see TV.  This is to say, the television we insist you must see!

We are your family and friends. We are your co-workers. We are those lucky few you have endowed as reputable and whom are deserving of faithfulness in your, sometimes, whimsical tastes. 

. . .There are. . . many, many reasons we perform this perverted peer pressure game—and why we politely participate. . .

· because you "know us so well"
· because we have "similar tastes"
· because that one time you suggested Veronica Mars and we were all like "really" and it was all like "awesome"!
· because we want to be able to plug into your conversation about the season finale
· because we want to fully understand you when you say you are "just like Don Draper"

. . .and so on. 

Seeing as we are nowhere near the subject of nepotism—I will escort us there. A few of you may have recognized that this winning blog suggestion came from my little sister, Helen (aww). 
She won fair and square*. 
I like to believe we both have substantial persuasion over one another, especially when it comes to media and literature (and the names of our lovers).  <----I'm meandering. . .

When Helen and I were roommates, later in life (adults vs children), we adopted many of each other's viewing habits**. 
One show in particular that Helen loved to watch (with minimal guilt) was America's Next Top Model.
I cringed. 
I had a pretty sweet Myspace blog post about how much I abhorred ANTM and other reality shows. I recently (just now) spent the last 30 minutes trying to access it, but it appears that it is gone forever. 
Oh well, you get the point. 
She gently nudged me into becoming a full time viewer. I can't be sure if I watched it because I wanted to spend more time with her (in the living room) or because I wanted to satisfy my morbid curiosity. 
Regardless, both needs were fulfilled. 
And just like she attested, it wasn't as bad as I thought. 
I learned a lot about myself—and too much about Tyra Banks.
But that is for another blog. 

Many things happen to us when we are told we must watch a particular television show: 
1) We agree flamboyantly that, yes, we must watch that show. We have been dying to see it. We just haven't made the time yet. Oh woe is us!
2) We hesitate and offer some type of counterclaim that, "we heard from (someone) that show was (something or another) and sit back while our friend mercilessly advocates for their show (as if their ability to pitch us on it is the only lifeblood for the series {which is sometimes the case}). 
3) We try to defend ourselves by ascending to a superior place where: 
            we are too busy to adopt yet another show
    (or)  we insist we don't watch that much TV
    (or)  we won't pay for cable—so maybe we will consider it again       
            in the future (when it's "less expensive" to watch)
    

But regardless of our enactment we never stop yearning for a good recommendation. 
And we never stop the pursuit of sharing with others the things that we love and enjoy. 
And if you're like me—you love and enjoy TV!    

There are many pitfalls, annoyances, anxieties, and tribulations that occur when encountering peer pressure to watch a particular show. . . (like the judgement you suffer for not yet having seen something—or the frustration you feel when people will not watch these great shows and they are cast aside by networks). . .
but I did not want this assignment to focus on the negative.

So let's end on a positive. 
I positively have been putting off watching my little sister's last recommendation (because I haven't had enough time*** (and) because the entire series of Felicity isn't going to re-watch itself****).


In the comment field please offer:
· suggestions of shows we must see!
· an anecdote of a time you peer pressured someone to watch a show and they loved/hated/were indifferent about it.
· a show you have been peer pressured to watch but haven't yet.
· or just any miscellaneous feelings about this subject. 

Thank you guys! (ya'll, depending)

*we assume?

**I adopted many of her viewing habits.

***you guys, I really haven't.

****unless you count this time.

Week Two: And The Winner Is!

The results are in. Countless seconds have been spent tallying the votes. It was a close one.  With just two more votes than "men's knees"—Helen wins with the very topical (and close to my heart) suggestion, "Peer pressure to watch particular television shows". 

I'm excited and you better be too! <-----poor example of peer pressure. 

These are fantastic suggestions...curiously one of them is missing.

Helen's winning suggestion will be posted by Tuesday the 18th when I will ask again for your suggestions. Thank you guys so much for the opportunity to play with you and for the continued support and inspiration. 

     Well, just this one...

I BUY MY OWN DIAMONDS AND I BUY MY OWN RINGS. . . because he is a tracer: A survey of Independent films and the embodiment of the patriarch

A second post from our second (first, technically) blog winner Michael. This suggestion was so rich and delicious that, as expected, it took more time to digest.

A brilliant offering from a brilliant indie film type of guy

I wanted to impetuously answer this question the moment I read it but I had to do many things before I could.  I had to wait for voting to close, I had to have the good faith that it would be chosen, and then I had to make real that this was not, after all, an easy question to field.

Many thoughts overwhelmed me.  

One, most obviously, "What are my favorite indie films"?

Secondly, "What are my favorite indie films"?

I was sure I knew the answer to this without hesitation.  Then I realized that I actually could not so much as define what an independent film was, without equivocating. 
Nor was I certain I fully understood the context of the question. 

     "Was I to compare the film as a whole text to a certain type of guy? As in, Primer is like the guy you don't expect much from but then you see it and you're all like 'why did I wait so long for this—this interesting and wonderful'. Or like, Garden State is like that guy you date who is all woe is me and you try to fix him/help him and he runs away because he is (and will always be) perpetually fucked up and/or self absorbed and/or wounded in a really complicated way that can only be overcome by making films about his own narcism*".  
-were the thoughts I was having.

Perhaps it is because I am a film student that these questions were so burdensome.  Maybe it is because I had the tutelage of the brilliant and lovely Dr. Alisa Perren, who has authored much scholarship on the subject of the celebrated genre of independent films with an impressive skepticism. 
I have spent the last five years critically digesting films (though never through this lens before), so why now do I feel this superincumbent pressure? 

It was right about now that I decided to shut the fuck up and write the blog. That is, after all, why you are reading this and not my diary. 

An independent film is a film produced outside of the major film studio system. 
Simple enough, although I really appreciate the criteria Dr. Alisa Perren uses to define them:
· the film's source of financing
· the film's distribution
· the film's exhibition 
· the status of talent 
· the spirit of the film

There are too many films that qualify as an "indie film" for me to just have a few favorites.  And if I spent too much time discriminating the details of what qualifies it to be an independent film, I could wind up discussing films many of you may not have seen. And that would be poop**.

So I chose these two films:
Swingers (1996)
Chasing Amy (1997)

You've had a lot of time to see these films. One of them is in the Criterion Collection. The other is #20 on Maxim magazine's greatest 100 Guy Movies Ever Made***. 
You should watch them, and often. 


I'm going to discuss the archetypes of men present (in the leading roles) of both films and (if there is time left over****) I will briefly discuss the impact of the film in contrast to a relationship (?) (hmm) if this works. Let's see! 

Swingers

TRENT
Hubba, hubba. Embodied by Vince Vaughn we have no doubt you will swoon for this fella. 
But no.1 of his traits I take issue with—he is terrible to waitresses.   Need I say more?
There is no need to treat other people this way, especially those who are in a position to take care of you and be hospitable.  
If a guy can treat a waitress this way (without flinching) just how special do you have to be for him to show you any varying respect? 
Which brings me to no.2—he is completely indifferent to women. Again. . . he is one of those self-proclaimed heartbreakers. 
This takes his status from swoon to snooze. 
A positive note, he is an almost completely genuine friend to Mike. We really believe this guy wants to protect his buddy and will look out for him, almost selflessly. Almost. 
But again we have evidence that his ego comes in opposition with the good fortune Mike has with lady Lorraine (just because it was not Trent himself who contrived the hook up). 

On a scale of one—five 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡♡
Datable:♡
Tolerable as your man's BF:♡♡♡

MIKE
This guy! He is a catch. He is also—our fault. Chances are we are not Lorraine in this love triangle. Most of us ladies are Michelle. Many of us ladies dated this guy, who was so dedicated to us but for some reason or another we found fault in that. 
We let him go, broke his heart. We are Prometheus and we created this sentimental and idyllic guy. And just like Michelle, we will realize too late what we have done—we have lost him. 
But don't worry, some one out there is so grateful to us for freeing him up. Some lady out there is the happiest we never were with him. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡
Datable:♡♡♡♡
Tolerable as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡


Chasing Amy

Holden
Holden is very similar to Mike in that he is a hopeless romantic. He is idealistic and seemingly respectful of others, notably women (and waitresses too). 
Yet. . . 
He lacks humility. 
Holden is overcome with insecurity upon falling for Alyssa. His hang-ups on tradition and intimacy actually make him come across as more homophobic than Banky, if that's possible. 
We want to adore Holden, we want him to get the girl. . .but it is almost impossible to forgive him for his lack of assurance. 
We know he will treasure us, only so long as we fit into the tiny treasure box he has designated for us. If we challenge his ideals at all, if we rock the boat, we will find that we are in a sinking ship. And there is nothing punny about that. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡
Datability:♡♡♡
Tolerable as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡

Banky
Banky has an inker's complex. He knows he is not the star of the show but he has the confidence of an artist (without too much ego). 
He adds depth and shadow to Bluntman and Chronic in the same way he adds depth and shadow to the film, in the same way he adds depth and shadow to Holden's sometimes one dimensional perspective. 
He is juvenile, to a fault—but less we forget a few of us find this charming (psst. it's me that finds this charming).  
Banky may come across as a bit of a loser, or an underdog for you wordsmiths*****, but there is something to be said for a guy who is completely satisfied with his achievements. 
It doesn't have to mean he lacks ambition, it could actually mean he has already accomplished most of his dreams. And those dreams include writing and sketching a comic with his best friend and winning the occasional Sega game with said friend. 
Sounds like my kind of party. 
It is hard to excuse his occasions of disgraceful gay bashing, and I wish I could say the subtext offers us the conclusion that he is only acting out so aggressively in the interest of protecting his best friend from heartache. . . but that would be a lie. 
The truth is this film was made in the late 90's. A time when we were still hashing out public feelings about homosexuality in the media and a character such as Banky was a necessary part of the conversation. 
Thank you Kevin Smith. It is hard to make a film of this nature without an aggressor like Banky. 
It was also hard not to fall for him. Sigh. Woe is me. 

Sexy: ♡♡♡♡♡
Datability: ♡♡♡♡♡
Tolerance as your man's BF: ♡♡♡♡♡
******

*I love Zach Braff. Huge fan. Never doubt. I am currently a "backer" of his Kickstarter, Wish I Was Here. 
#EEEAGLE!

**Yes, Michael. I mentioned poop.

***I was going to make a joke about how Swingers was probably on some list in Maxim. Then I did some research and low and behold...

****there was no time left over :-(

*****just fucking with wordsmiths.

******Yes, I am completely biased when it comes to Jason Lee. Completely. He can do no wrong.

Friends With Deficits

The question was posed—is it unhealthy to be close friends with an ex? And further—could a close friendship with an ex be potentially damaging to a current or future relationship?

Yes, she tied for first with 5 likes. See, it's easy to play folks.
P.s. my blog is lame. (<---example of my frequent self deprecating)

A friendship with an ex is initially defined by the conditions of the relationship.  It may seem clinical, but I believe you must examine a few key points to determine whether a friendship is the right progression (or regression, depending) between you.
If you are already close friends with an ex and you are both in healthy relationships, you may skip ahead. This part probably doesn't concern you.

There are potentially two different answers to Kat's question. 


We start by answering these rudimentary questions:

1) Are you out of love?
          Are you over your ex? Are they over you?
2) Was your ex a positive or negative influence in your life?
          Did you develop or perpetuate bad personal habits while            
          you were with this person or were you inimical in any way?

If you don't know the answer to these questions, just ask your best friend.  They will be surprisingly forthcoming.

If you said no to the first question, a friendship with an ex is certainly out of the question. 
I'll rephrase. A healthy friendship with the ex is a fool's dream.
Many of you will feel obligated to try, but you might acknowledge that doing so could stymie a relationship with someone else and/or prevent certain advances in your own emotional recovery.  
The paradoxical situation is that often a necessary evolution in getting over an ex is to date someone else.  
And such is life.

Concerning the second question, if this person fails to get a glowing report card from your best friend—you might want to cancel that tentative lunch or coffee date with the ex for now.  Wait and see if this old flame learns any new tricks.  
Give them some time to grow without you, it could be what you both need.

To summarize, a friendship with an ex is only unhealthy if you (or the ex) are too attached (i.e. not over one another) or the ex is a harmful, hurtful, or negative force in your life.  
Could a close friendship with an ex be potentially damaging to other relationships?  Yes, only if this close friendship with an ex exists outside of the framework for what we defined as "healthy"—or—if your significant other is insecure of this friendship (i.e. doesn't trust you or believes the friendship to be unhealthy).  
A lot of this rests on your own constitution of trust.  Are you a trusting person?  Do you seek out other trusting people?  I can't stress enough how fundamental and significant trust is in a relationship.  But most of you have already caught on to this. 

Blog winner Kat suggested, "As we learn from How I Met Your Mother, you never invite your ex to your wedding". 
I'll expound on this idea.  
Specifically she is referring to S4:E5, Shelter Island.  
In a couples telepathy misfire, Ted and Stella expedite their wedding to fill the reservation hole left by Stella's sister's own miscarried wedding.  
After an astringent (and somewhat ominous) warning from Stella "Having exes around brings up unresolved things. . . how do you know that spark won't come back with your ex sitting out there?"  Ted proceeds to invite both his ex (Robin) and Stella's ex (Tony).  The gang ruminates over the 'no exes at weddings' theory and Barney blows it with Robin again. . . etc. 

While Robin is broadcasting her own concerns about being at an ex's wedding—the spark does come back between Tony and Stella and the unresolved issue torch they once carried together is bestowed upon Ted, the now jilted groom. 

From this perspective—YES—never invite an ex to a wedding.  Both couples were thwarted by the number one question, are you out of love?
As you see throughout the series, a myriad of ladies sense Ted's unresolved feelings for Robin and are, if not at first apprehensive—eventually completely dissuaded by the falsification of their "friendship". 
Yes, never invite one of these exes to a wedding.  But the larger take away may be—never get married if there is an ex out there that you still have such passionate feelings for.  
Get over them, get over them quickly—so you can move on.  But don't move on just so you can get over them.   

I'll personalize this.  So I don't sound half-cocked.  
None of my exes have ever invited me to their wedding.  I'm not holding my breath either.  
I have had only one wedding, at a delicate 23 years of age. . . too young to have cultivated a sleek portfolio of exes that I also then had time to tenure into close, unassuming platonic friendships.  But had I . . . we may never know how many exes I would've invited. . .

If my ex-husband invited me today to his wedding, I would love to go.  To see him as happy as I once knew him to be, to share in that happiness again.  What a great experience.  What a great gift to share with a friend. 
And what if his (fictional) bride didn't approve this invite?  What if she shared in Stella's fear, her disapproval, her anxiety? 

I'd get over it.  But I'd be reluctant to house as much happiness for my ex because I'd know his bride was insecure.  I'd know by her disapproval that she either resented me, disliked me, or feared me.  And that's either bad news for me—or for him.  Because if it was fear of me. . . that would imply she didn't trust me (whatever) or worse—that she didn't trust him. And that would be a burden on him regardless of my attendance at the wedding. 

My guess is that not many exes make the cut when pre-nuptial couples are penning their guest lists.  The tendency to avoid inviting any exes to a wedding can be easily explained—it is just easier not too. 

So you don't invite your ex?  Say they are upset about this. Chances are they are upset at you for a lot of things, after all you are broken up, however, the beauty of that is not having to worry so much that the things you do will upset them.  
Your new bride or groom however. . . let's not take the chance, right? Not worth it, right? 
We don't really want to risk asking— risk finding out our soon to be spouse is jealous of our friendship(s) with an ex.  Let's stay blissfully unaware.  Because it is just easier. 


Craig Thomas and Carter Bays have not leaked a PDF of Ted Mosby's wedding guest list but I will gamble on this. Robin Scherbatksy's name is on it. We know this because before Ted marries the infamous mother of his children, he will have successfully gotten over Robin.  Their friendship will be legitimate and the foundation he builds his marriage on will be veracious, because that is who Ted is.  
He is carefully written that way. 

We, not made for TV characters, tend to have more flaws (and less exes).  We have insecurities, we have fears, not to mention alcohol and a slew of facebook followers who will validate just about any of our ridiculous notions.   
Acknowledging this, it must be said—the reality of not being trusted by the person you love or not feeling like you can trust the person that you love is an unmistakably shitty feeling.  
We are lucky to engage in relationships.  To have these opportunities to seek out love and affection.  And we are even luckier still if after these relationships fail we can glean the good that came from them and form lasting friendships that carry us throughout life.  And we are the most lucky if we can find someone who loves us so perfectly and is so comfortable with loving us that they can say "Yeah, the more the merrier.  Invite everyone that is important to you. Especially __________ , they should definitely come".  

Dr. Barbie broke Ted's heart*

*I love Sarah Chalke.  She is not a skank. 
     

Week One: And The Winner Is!

Poop there it is! No, I'm just kidding.
Although first in a three way tie, I will likely not be writing a blog dedicated to poop—however much fun that may be.

But—I certainly will somehow incorporate talk of bowel movements or fecal blowback throughout this blog's term.  You're welcome.

Okay, let's take a look at how this little endeavor went.

I am super grateful to the participants.  Thank you for having commentary, suggestions, a compelling need/want to vote, and/or even the five minutes or more it took to read this post and/or blog. 

Thank you, thank you so much. 

I am very happy to say that there is a three-way tie.  Having addressed number 2 at the number 1 paragraph—this leaves two very unique, thoughtful, and inspiring subjects.  I will honor the tie and write two different blogs.  Yes, that's right. 

I will post them both before next Tuesday, as outlined in my original mission blog (if that's a thing). 

The Winners Are: 

Michael) How about a nice comparison between your favorite indie films and types of men???

AND

Kat) Topic. Ex's lovers who are also your current close friends, is it unhealthy? Is there a place for the past without damaging your potential future or as we learned from HIMYM, you never invite an ex to your wedding.

I am very, very excited to write these two blogs. 

I've already begun writing . . . and will post for you soon.

In the intervening time I ask that we revise my initially conceived deadlines.  This week was a trial run and I noticed that very little to zero voting and suggesting happened after day 2. . .which I should have foreseen.  I think it best if the voting/suggesting receives a limit of 4 days and my writing receives a limit of 4 days.  We will shorten the retention by half on both of our parts.  Let's try it next week. . . see how it goes. 

And because two of you, Scott and Jennifer, showed an interest in videos. . . I offer you my mirthful video for the week. May it serve it's purpose and bring you amusement.