Kinder What? Kinder Please.

Don't you just love that song, Shaving Off My Muff For You by Whitney Houston?
It's the best.
Admittedly not as much fun to sing as Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter, another gift that keeps on giving from former President George Bush.

Gosh, I sang* a lot as a child. Beyond just singing, I would reimagine my favorite songs to suit my very, very special needs**.

*Eh, sang is being generous. Whimpered, wailed, annoyed...is more accurate {**scatological  humor} 

Maybe I was under the influence of Weird Al, or my zany step father Kai, but I was in love with this farce. 

My sister Tara was my trusted co author and co performer. Some of our memorable* hits include:

*see drinking  problem

Suzanne Vega Puka
Guns N' Roses  Parasite City
Def Leopard  Pour Some Booger On Me

These songs were neither clever or original, in fact they were probably being repurposed and performed all over the universe* ... but they filled me with joy and happiness**.
*anywhere with radio transmission
**and poop


I am downright positive that I have mutilated more song lyrics than most people. The trouble was/is, if I didn't/don't recognize I was doing/am doing so myself—I might not/will not ever know. 
I've never been formally called out for this, not that I can remember*. Because I definitely remember calling out my older sister for some of the lyrical liberties she took.
*perhaps my mind is protecting me from the shame and embarrassment suffered from getting lyrics wrong. a complete blackout to protect my self esteem.

These are some of my favorites:  

This one was mis-sung by one of my sister's friends. She and I (my sister) loved it, and continued to mis-sing it accordingly

Just because I don't remember the embarrassment of being exposed, doesn't mean I don't remember discovering for myself (frequently) that I have been uttering the wrong lyrics under my breath*, and for some time. 

*how I sing in public

Because what is more threatening than love? Am I right?

Around the same time as this, I learned that I was signing one of my favorite Pixies songs hopelessly wrong too

Gesundheit

Surprisingly, I felt silly upon learning I had been accidentally singing songs wrong, versus satisfied —like when I had purposefully revised songs to my liking. 

As soon as my household had internet I stumbled across a lyric database. This girl printed* (*sorry Mom) every G-D Misfits song lyric. 

I wasn't going to let Glenn Danzig trip me up, no fucking way. That went the same for Peter Murphy and Dick Lucas too. There was much potential for me to look like an ass—but I had it under control. 

I still sing today, or something resembling it. I don't always know all the words, I'll gladly skip over them or make them up proudly. Matt and I sing silly songs in the kitchen or the car and my musical tastes* admittedly haven't changed much.

*scatological

You can probably guess that I would love to read your mis-heard song lyrics. Part of you is desperate to tell us, I know it. 

Put them in comment field, anonymously or openly. It will be wonderful, I promise.