Poop Doggy Blog

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I've been a dog owner my whole lifetime, including childhood when technically I simply belonged to a family that a dog belonged to. . . ownership is such a noxious concept. . . 

That being said, it is impossible for me to be completely objective when writing about dog etiquette in the strictest sense. I will find myself making excuses for my dog's behavior or comparing my dog to other dogs—which, let's face it, won't be fun to read. 
So, in the interest of not bullshitting you I will admit now to having less than perfect dog etiquette—but tons of humility about it. 

Now, let's make our doggy decree:

1.  Establishing rules, exercising control. 
When owing a pet, specifically a dog, you've got to Scott Baio up and take Charge. I know from experience that some dogs* won't heed every command, but it is valuable that they know to listen to you and what to listen for. 
ex: stay, sit, come. 

2.  C is for caution.
Your dog is domesticated, yes. But unlike a house plant, your dog also belongs to the Animalia kingdom. Which implies a mental prowess and physical spontaneity that we have to be alert to.

This means understanding their moods, behaviors, and temperament. Have the severity of manner to know how your dog responds to other people, children, cats, other dogs? 

You are solely responsibility for their behavior. . . so if they can't behave. . . don't impose their bad behavior onto others**. 

3.  Neuter Recruiter.

This doesn't actually fall into the header of etiquette. I just hate seeing too many puppies and too few homes and I also dislike being badgered into taking puppies under the argument that "I already have a dog. . . so what is one more"?

This is an egregious argument and you're barking up the wrong tree, you know who you are. <-----haha, jk***

4.  If you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it ♪

Only 20 US states have strict leash laws, though many of the 30 w/o do allow local municipalities to enforce their own leash laws. 

It is not enough to leash your dog, you must do so responsibly. Do have control of the dog, the leash could easily become intwined with another dog's leash or be a potential tripping hazard, for example****. 

5.  Don't poop on my parade.

Simply put, "If it's brown, flush it down".

You flush your toilet after every bowel movement, right? Well, I hope so. Even a person delighted and entertained by poop, such as I, would prefer not to see it, smell it, and (supremely) step in it. 

6.  Wham, Bam, Instagram.

I used to feel guilty posting pictures of my dog on Instagram—but no longer. Every day I scroll through dozens of photos of friend's babies and children. Aww, they are cute. But so is my dog*****. 

My dog has made appearances on Vine, Twitter, Facebook, Vimeo, and Instagram. She has even been the subject of school projects. 

#nofilter #noguilt

Now grab your poop bags and party hats. Be the best companion you can be, to your dog and to your fellow non-dogs.

You have a huge responsibility, but you are rewarded with so much love and compassion (and bad breath kisses)! 

*

This dog

**Sorry guys for all the times my dog has jumped on you or stuck her wet nose up your dress. 

***I'm just kidding about kidding.

****Yes, I tripped over my own dog's leash. . . okay?

*****Not everyone can have babies.