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| week 11 winner |
I always felt extremely fortunate to have perfect vision.
You see*, there aren't many things I am good at.
I don't wish to devalue myself. These are just the facts.
· I don't draw well
· I don't sing well
· I don't dance well
· I'm a woman so, of course, I can't drive well
· I'm not a very effective feminist ☝
· I don't take compliments well
· etcetera
But I can burp at will and I can see perfectly, 20/20.
Well, that is, I could see perfectly.
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| This happened—March 19 2013 |
My vision declined rapidly and with seemingly little provocation.
I remember it like it was six months ago, because it was six months ago.
Spring semester, 2013.
I was convinced that the projectors in my class rooms were out of focus.
That's right. I convinced myself that multiple projectors were out of focus.
I would form my hands around my face in a vain attempt to refract my own light. I would even do this while watching TV.
My boyfriend told me I needed glasses.
I said, "No way, that's silly. I have perfect vision".
He would smile.
It started to really stress me out that I couldn't see. I did a myriad of web searches to sleuth out what disease I possibly had that was causing my blindness**. To no avail.
One day at school I had a full blown panic attack.
I fell apart. I couldn't breath. I couldn't see. I could barely walk.
I was scared.
I made an appointment with an optometrist.
Once diagnosed with an astigmatism I had to wait several long weeks for my very expensive glasses.
Once I received the glasses I had to find out all on my own what happens when you:
· open the dryer
· have a cup of hot tea
· are caught in the rain
· work in a restaurant
· live in a humid climate
· go to hug people!
I mean, someone should've told me (srsly guys)!***
That is a lovely story Val, but aren't you supposed to write about wearing glasses without a prescription?
Yes. And here is my confession.
"These are cute. I wish I could wear glasses".These were the words I said [out loud] while I ogled my mother's glasses this past Winter break when she visited me.
I don't believe I invoked optical damage with this utterance …
but I do understand the visually gifted's eyewear envy.
The glasses were cute in the same way someone else's child is … for a minute.
Not knowing that desperate dependency to the glasses, I could adore them from a safe distance.
In the same way that not having to take that child home [and keep him/her alive] defines a much different relationship.
I did my usual amount of research for this piece and I noticed a
unanimous outcry from the visually impaired who feel as though their handicap is being exploited for vanity.
The comparison of using a walking cane when you do not need assistance walking was made often and there is much logic to this criticism.
The idea that glasses are being elevated to chic, sexy, and stylish is of very little consolation. Most would trade this desired aesthetic for better vision any day.
Counter arguments were made in the name of fashion owning that nothing is of limits when it comes to accessorizing; you don't have to be a ballerina to wear ballet flats, you don't have to be on a boat to wear a skipper's hat, and other bad examples.
What I have learned is that I feel incredibly self conscious in my glasses.****
When people see me in my glasses I feel like they know that I have failed at something.
Then I assume they know everything I have failed at.
The glasses are meant to make me stronger, so I can see better. But when I wear them, I feel vulnerable.I know I am projecting these fears and I know it is nonsense to feel this way.
My issue is that I haven't embraced my new identity, "needs glasses".
I would still rather squint than admit I need help seeing, and this has been a running theme for me.
The truth is, the ability to see confidently could, in fact, make me look confident.
If people want to wear vanity frames, please, go ahead.
Because even with a visual handicap — I can clearly see*^5 how little the fashion choices of other's matters.
Srsly guys. *^6
Burberry Grace
I take you out of your case
I put you on my face
And know I can see all over the place
*first and only pun
**I even peed on a stick
***I used internet shorthand! I'm all grown up now. Ew, I feel gross. I nd a shwr, brb.
****Even though my boyfriend adores me in them
*****I lied, another pun
******srsly is seriously not a word, but I can clearly see how little the online/sms language choices of others matters.
I srsly should not take credit for that poem, it's pretty lame.
